sayasana

2007-02-12T11:26:00.000-08:00

Nothing but good news! Seriously, I am so waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Practice has been great. Grabbing heels in kapo, still landing Bakasana B but I'm still a little afraid and dragging my tail bcs of it. My students have been gifting me with kick ass CD's to play in class, Prana yoga pants, electronic japanese buddha thingys... Classes have been big and I have a workshop coming up and I'm going to Shiva Rea on Sat. w/ some of my girls. One of my teachers even added a 9am ashtanga improv on Mondays. I get to sleep in on Mondays! Om namah Shivayah!

Tom and I even had the best "date day" on Sunday. After my classes we ate Vietnamese food, got lit, walked around the Spectrum, got caramel apples, rode the ferris wheel, had a cocktail, watched a dumb movie, and did it. I mean really, isn't that AWESOME???It was so fun.

The rest of my life is rolling along. I mean I still have to get insurance and file for bankruptcy as I will never pay off my past hospital bills. {Grand Total exceeds $100,000} But I look forward to a clean slate, especially since I feel more in sync with my health. The second series and my wierd doctor are really bringing things together on the inside. It's quite amazing.

AND I have TOOL tickets!!!

So, I'm sure a fish will die soon, or I'll get really bad pms, or something to restore the energetic balance in my life. But until then....

rock on lil' pirates!

2007-02-08T12:26:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged because....

My dog ate my keyboard.
It seemed that everytime I did, somebody died.
I had the flu last week, which triggered an asthma attack, which put me in the hospital overnight.
I've been reading you guys, but just haven't until now.
One of my teachers discourgaged the spread of ashtanga misinformation via this medium.
I've been thinking about the cult of asana addiction and contemplating my worship.
I've actually been PRACTISING !
I ate too much.
I am a big loady.
Students have mentioned reading this and I've been a little skittish.
Things have been very good with everything, even with the lungs bailing, and I just haven't had anything pithy to offer.

Everything but the first one is true, but if I rolled my keyboard in cat poop, my dog WOULD eat it.

Practice news, still at bakasana B, landing them 25%, my tail is dragging a bit but I'm pretty sure I'll get it soon. Lost a little bit of the ol' bandhas with the 4 days in bed with the flu/asthma.
Handstand is my new fix. This is the year, I know it. But overall, my classes have been awesome, and I made a few sched changes and now I feel really inspired everyday. Went to Tim's Improv today. The first he's taught since before the new moon. Backbends! Hee!

Haven't surfed since the week before last. But Saturday is free and clear and I hope the weather and waves will. Trying to hit it tomorrow as well.

Take care lil' pirates, I read some of you everyday, Sash, Tiff, Julie, Boodiba, Lookydaddy..and I love to peep into your lives for a bit, you make me laugh and think, I know I should be as present for you entertainment as well. I'll try, but I gotta cut the sex, drugs, & rocknroll...down. maybe.

2007-01-18T11:54:00.000-08:00

You only flush the ones you love............... this title was inspired by Sasha as I shared the sad news of losing my favorite fish on Monday. He was old, and I had been nursing all sorts of issues with him, popeye, anchor worms, etc. but he was pretty like a monarch butterfly and sassy and horny, father of like 20 babies. Balloon Mollie. I watched him drag his head and hide for hours Monday, I tapped and yelled as his progeny began to peck his beautiful sail fin, then after crying a few times the bf & mom both suggested I let him go with dignity. This means a quick flush. Since Tom and I are anxious yet haphazard aquarians we only flush the ones we can't bear to be eaten {our tank is 45 gallons with precarious rock formations, removal requires a lot}. So sobbing, I flushed my little guy. I couldn't use the bathroom for a day. I know this blog has had a lot of death recently. What can I say. Please make it stop.

On the lighter side I've had wonderful practices, a raise, new poses! bakasana B, jumped into crow on jan.1st IN FRONT OF THE BIG GUY!! It was even documented by Julie {thx Julie!}. After a few face plants mind you, but I landed HEE! Tom is doing wonderful, business is ok, not really much to blog....

Shiva Rea came down last Sunday to turn us into water tigers. It was quite....WAHAAAAA!!!!!
Hmmm... does that describe it? Arms waving, lunging, breathing with the whole body, sweat pouring. I had a chat with her and some other teachers {we were all front and center like rockstars in training} which was awesome until I verklempt while thanking her like a big dork. Tim and Diana have made me cry too, so whatever, but I still feel a wee bit lame.

I know what will fix this! Sharing disturbing thoughts!

I watch a lot of bizarre TV. My fav's South Park, CSI, TopChef, ANTM, Forensic Files, Seinfeld, Charmed {for the boobs naturally, whichever way will they go??} Project Runway, etc.
Just caught a bit of Gary Ridgway "Green River Killer". Evidently during 92-97 he was really far too busy to kill that often bcs he was working for Amway & GOING TO CHURCH. Wasn't the BTK guy like a leader in his church? WTF. Why is church so popular with the Serials and Pedofiles? Is it opposites attract or maybe all the violent imagery turns them on....?

Sometimes I feel sorry for God. Then I go all "God is Everything" and just feel sorry.

Cheers!

2006-12-30T19:37:00.000-08:00

I didn't know Sean that well, but I wanted to. He was a good friend of some of my girls in SD and I had practiced next to him a few times at Tim's. This is the saddest thing I have heard. Freeway accident. I'm so sorry for everyone who knew Sean, and to those, like me, who admired his practice and would've liked the chance to know him better.

This is just so sad.

namaste'

2006-12-18T20:56:00.000-08:00

I have $150 left in the bank.............................And I'm almost done shopping. Man, the stress of shopping and driving this year is like really bad crack. I took off last week to play with Sasha up in Davis, which was delightful until I woke up the morning of my departure with a particularly explosive version of the stomach flu. TC literally leapt out of the bathroom for me a few times. Fortunately, well for me, they had all had this flu so they were knowledgeable and compassionate, which is nice when spewing noxious substances. I made it home and am back in the saddle, plan to practice at Tim's tomorrow. Yeah!

My poor Tom is beleaguered. The business is ech and I am just hoping for a change in his fortune. The oddest thing I've learned about being with someone for this long {almost 4 years!} is how much more their bad news is really your bad news. Granted, he doesn't do what I say...but I wish he'd just get a break....it hurts to see him struggle.

Yoga felt so good tonight. I had only practiced once on my trip, a little self practice and some show-off to Sasha....I likes to show my buds the tricks...before I was laid out by the evil purge. But as "emily" says in The Devil Wears Prada" , "I'm only one stomach flu away from my ideal weight." I felt very spacious and open today, nothing hurt...not even the old sore spot on the piriformous. So we'll see what a true studio practice does with all the extra vata. I actually got "stuck" in a handstand today. That hardly ever happens.

Well good luck to you all on your Holiday Hustle, may you all get the spot, the sale, the smile you're after.

2006-12-10T08:42:00.000-08:00

happy birthday to me!!!! well yesterday that is. I did make it to practice and had a wonderful time, except I bent my thumb back while using it for leverage in hanumanasana {splits to you yoga-phobes} and apparently my hips were tighter than my thumb is strong. Still got to do all the tricks, yeah! but surfing was out bcs you really need yer hands, man. Especially for pulling on & off the much needed wetsuit. The rest of the day, eating, lounging, a little crying, drinking, puffing etc. Then Tom & I went to the lil bros work for dinner, which was fun watching him shmooze the ladies and he styled us out quite nicely. Afterward, a night cap and then we came home for some birthday booty. And it's all all over. I'm 33.

This morning my thumb is bruised, I'm a little hung, and I'm doing a workshop up in LA with Tim. The studio was gracious enough to get my 8am class subbed, I'd be hurting right now if I had to teach.

I got my new pose too from the second series, supta vajrasana...only like 30 poses left!!

Tuesday I roll on up to Davis to be a bad influence on Sasha, read some more LOTR to Joe, let Sam scowl at me, and snuggle Leroy Le Roi, the stinky kitty. Yeah!

2006-12-05T13:11:00.000-08:00

Well helloooooo..............

Today is beautiful, a little dry, but really nice. Class was good, and I even made it to Tim's for practice. 35 people for 9 am mysore! Saw my teachers, my girls- minus the lovely Tiff, all the usual suspects. The full moon yesterday was in Gemini, and I feel simply divine. My moon is in Gemini and I think it felt that at last, we are all on the same wavelength.For now anyway!

Getting ready for the ol' bday. I'm planning to practice ,{must get cleaned out!} surf, and have a nice dinner with Tommy. Just us. No big, noisy, expensive debacle.

Next week I am bailing for a few days to hang with Sasha, who I hope will help me make my blog all pretty.

Wish me luck, I MAY get supta vajrasana this Thurs. Tim says bribes help as well. methinks cookies may be in order!

2006-12-02T03:31:00.000-08:00

3 am confessions..............

I cannot f-ing sleep. Since turning off Seinfeld at 10 I have watched every hour pass. I am not going to make it to practice AGAIN and I am pissed.

What I have done:

tossed and turned- check
counted sheep {got to twelve} -check
worried, about my fish- my momma mollie has ick, if you're not a fish person this means little
about my boyfriend, his drinking, his business, if we ever break up will he take the dog etc.
about missing another practice, about tomorrow, about insomnia, about my 19 lb. 11 yr old cat- ALL CHECK
woke boyfriend up, got it hard, hopped on- check
blogged shit I may regret- CHECK!!!
gotten something to drink- check
smoked pot- NO, I'm out and the bf uses my Cheechish proclivity to validate his quest to become Capt. Morgan

I'm subbing @ 9am, if I could sleep I could get 5 hours.
HA!!

Up next, Reading Lord of the Rings....I'm at the last book and it's pretty f-ing exciting. Much better than the movies even tho those were great. Tom thinks its bizarre to reread a book that I also own the movies. What can I say....if you're a reader-you a reader.

Tom has come downstairs to find me typing, that's the problem w/ waking them{bf's} up for sex in the middle of the night, they're awake too... and is not happy with the content.

What fun is blogging if it doesn't piss someone off?

he says if we break up- he IS taking the dog, and perhaps I should worry about other things like him going crazy on rum and dismembering me with the new axe my mom bought.

worrying about being chopped up- CHECK!!

2006-12-01T13:36:00.000-08:00

Okay Sasha......

Yeah, yeah...I haven't blogged, but I guess now i've been tagged, and I feel game.

I've been a bad lady at practice. I KNEW a month was too ambitious. I have been in enough rehab to know someone like me has got to take it ONE day at a time! I even missed my practice w/ Tim. Bed was far too cozy. I did hit up Itay and got some awesome adjustments. Why does it feel so good to have a big, strong man pushing you around? But Diana is back {farewell, Leigha Nicole! I didn't practice enough while you were here!} my birthday is near {33! If I make it through, I'll be doing better than Jesus!} and the year is ending. Does anyone else get a little toxic with all the retrospection? So what the plan is...tomorrow I'm going to practice. Nuff sed.

One of the beautiful things ashtanga has taught me is really, it's all just practice. No success or failure, you haven't NOT become what you'd hoped, you're still in your practice, trying to work it out according to the prakriti thats up, reality parameters, will, drive, patience, you can get better at ANYTHING if you continue to practice. Thats why we get the same issues, over and over. NEED MORE PRACTICE! The stuff you will always suck at is the the shit you push away or only give one attempt. To quote LOTR Sam Gamgee "The longest job is one that's never started, my Gaffer would say." From hanumanasana to brain surgery to love....

"Practice is the greatest teacher."-Aristotle

In other news.....

At the weird doctor, stuff is happening. I started actually breathing the way he asked. Because that's all he's said, just focus on your breathing, and people there go off! In through the nose, out through the mouth. This is difficult, bcs I tend to ujjayi breathe a lot and that is OUT the nose, so I finally gave up and let it go out the mouth, and while I watched the breath up & down the spine, my back really did start "waving" about. That fixed breath stimulated my muscles subtly enough that I actually started to get, I guess.."it". I am still not gonna groan, and flail about, today someone started belching and giggling, but I feel better, despite a minor head cold last weekend, no injuries, and it's all good.

Surfing..... YES. Thanksgiving was fun, waves, beers, dogs, buzzed volleyball, smores yahoo! And yesterday Brian and I went out and the cutest little seal was out poking his lettle wee-skers at me! Hee! Water was cold, f-ing cold. I could be there today but my bandhas crawl up at the memory of showering while peeling tight cold rubber off my shivering bod with frozen stubs for fingers.

Finally!!!

6 weird things about me...

and Sash, I don't know how to attach, and link and paste and crap. I am a sad, sorry technophobe hobnobbin with you fancy people out here in this techmological blogworld. But I will list for your amusement nonetheless:

I had a dream in the second grade about being kidnapped by a bald man who brought me into his world of espionage that I still remember vividly and think about. There was even sex, I wasn't 8 obviously, that wasn't far from the reality.

I was on a TV show called Liars with this reprobate named Miguel. We met at our mutual pot dealers and hatched this plot to get on the show where someone was a liar, one was the accuser, there was a celebrity panel, and a lie detector test. Since Miguel and I had just met, and I was 20, he 35 we made up a story about how we had made "sexy videos" with classical/artistic themes and I had seen one at a friends house and I accused him of "selling or showing the videos w/o my consent" For the record THESE WERE NEVER MADE. Miguel was truly toady, that's why it sold. Our celebrity panel was Gary Coleman, a Rabbi, and a sex therapist. Miguel was innocent {because the tapes never existed} and I was GRILLED hard by everyone being a presumed skanky whore, and we made $40 each. They offered me an extra $20 to slap him, but I was still a kid, and a squishy bunny and pussed out.

I spent time with a third degree witch when I was in my early 20's doing my "year and a day" which I never completed because everyone was on too many drugs to actually accomplish anything but scoring. I did feel, see, and hear some weird shit, but I was also pretty loaded.

I drink about 30 gallons of cranberry juice every year. I love it, it hits me right were I live, in the tart, rubyred pucker. My kidneys are maroon and finger snapping healthy. {Maybe, I also drink alot of beer!}

In the first grade my mom took me to the Metropolitan Museum in NY where I saw my first Greek and Roman art. She also bought me a little book on Greek Gods. At the age of seven I became a pagan, my patron deity, Athena. And although my spiritual side has evolved since then, I went to college as a classic major, was a sucker for Xena, and still wonder at the seeming greedy, selfish nature of the Gods. My current ishtadevata {bcs wouldn't ya know, i'd pick a career were the sadhana picks their personal god out of a bunch} is Ganesh. I need a lot of help. I got a lot of problems.

And SIX Yeah!!! My boyfriend thinks I should put "participation in this blog" as a weird thing to do... but I think I'll go with... last night I had a dream about Jack Black. We were sharing a house and I had a stalker crush on him, even tho I had a boyfriend in the dream{ I think it was Tom, but it was really all about Jack}. I spied on him as Jack had an affair with one of his students while giving a Yoga private in our front room, that was of course a yoga room. I was so jealous, and tried to lure him away from all his girls.

there that does it!

Be safe, drink water, be kind to each other and ....party on dudes!

2006-11-20T12:49:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving miracle..... Well maybe, this is normally a rough holiday for me. I was due on Thanksgiving, my dad even calls me "turkey" , but I was actually 3 weeks late. Even then, a true procrastinator! My mom likes to make a big fat, anxious, obnoxious, dramatic spectacle for every freaking holiday. As a child I was enslaved, elf like, to the busybody,crafty, cute crap my mom adores. I've been to a Christmas bazaar, let me tell you....At a fairly young age, shrouded in the matching holiday outfit, putting on the matchy-match holiday "show", I turned to a bottle of Harvey's Bristol Cream that someone gave my parents but only I seemed to enjoy{ my inner old lady must like the sherry!} One good pop an occasion and I'd be out cold, blissfully released from child servitude. It is no surprise to me that several years later I'd spend one Thanksgiving buying valium in Mexico and eating turkey at a CoCo's with my drug buddies, and another passed out cold in jail after a drunken driving spree through Laguna Beach. That one earned me jail and rehab, which gave me a Thanksgiving in said rehab, and another one working an AA dinner. Since the yoga took hold I usually teach a class as I am one who has no problem working on this holiday and yoga makes everything better.

This Thanksgiving my brother and I want to go to the beach. He's recently taken up surfing and re-inspired me to the waves and we try to go a least once a week. We don't want the whole ordeal, with a turkey usually named after my escapee father, and the over eating etc. We want beer and waves and the dogs and smores and a big turkey sandwich. I want to play volleyball and have dog races and surf and eat sandy marshmallows. No matching outfits, no crying, no fricken green bean casserole! And after a big argument last night with the mother and sister, who are desperately trying to ruin everything and force feed the tradition, I am holding strong. I am even going to make the fruit salad from Top Chef, wis a spicy mint chimichurri!

Who knows, maybe it won't suck.

As for practice news, I just barely made it to my classes, I actually took off for 2, LH and an asthma bout, but I did make it to Tims Improv {watched Tiffany put her toes up her nose in Scorpion!} and to Leigha Nicoles workshop at Diana's on the backbend sequence. Almost kicked myself over from viparita dandasana. Almost. My plan is today MOON DAY! I'll teach naturally but no practice, and tomorrow, bust ass to get to Tim's for 9 am mysore. Wish me luck!

Namaste you Turkeys!

2006-11-13T14:29:00.000-08:00

Really nothing much going on, why I haven't blogged, etc. Fell off the practice wagon, been picking up a bunch of subs for the holiday stash so after 4 classes, or in between 4 classes, I really want to lay around, not practice. Only surfed once last week as well! Humph. See why I haven't posted.

But I miss you guys!

2006-11-07T13:59:00.000-08:00

Stupifyingly hot

really, really quite bright and hot. Damn.

Today , taught class, surfed- San O was packed..I mean really, where does everyone come from? don't you people work? Not every one can be rolling wit the yogi life! and now I am getting in the car to drive up into Hades itself, LA to take class with Shiva Rea.

Yeah I know, awesome, I do understand how lucky I am.

2006-11-04T06:29:00.000-08:00

Old Wheeze Bags

So I'm sitting here at the computer and it's like 6:15am bcs I'm not going to make it to Diana's shala to practice this morning. Last night, during standing poses in my last class, my lungs chunked out on me. I have asthma, fairly serious...was hospitalized a few yrs ago for 2 weeks {imagine that bill!} and hit up the ER at least once a year. Yoga has helped tremendously, and "the energy guy" I'm seeing should also help eventually, but last night as the marine layer rolled in my lungs tightened beyond the help of my inhaler and I actually had to sneak out of class to take a pill before the ER was a solid option. It worked, 2hours later, and the meds kept me wide awake until 1 am.
The hardest part was I had a random student come in who is a student of BOTH my teachers, very talented, very sweet... but my ego lit up a bit and to be honest it made me nervous enough to push it as I didn't want her to be disappointed and concievably "report me to the authorities" Crazy, no?
So my plan is to practice this afternoon after breakfast, surfing, and a private I have scheduled, to take it easy, and to consider my intense lack of ishvara pranidaniha [yeah I know, painfully misspelled] bcs after all, the practice is the teacher, everyone ALWAYS gets the class they need, and I should maybe try to be a little more proud of my skills as a teacher and my rock&roll application [we played Dark Side last night] that my students enjoy. But the class was small for Friday and I think that also affected my composure, remember I'm in the process of asking for more money and small classes never look good to the numbers people.

I FEEL SO GUILTY FOR MISSING PRACTICE THIS MORNING!!!

I know you should only miss if you have a fever, and Diana has this lady, Leah, for a few weeks minding the shala who is wonderful, student of Tim's since he was a young buck, and an amazing bodyworker who gives mind blowing adjustments....and I wanna go! But I'm still shaky, a lil wheezy, and really tired underneath the guilty medicated anxiety. Also, when I go to the Shala it is a lot harder for me to chill out, I tend to want to do everything full bore as the prana is intoxicating.

I will practice later, i will practice later, i will practice later....

Beyond the lungs, this week of practices has been really great, I feel lighter and stronger and isn't that why we do this work? To slough off the detritus of gluttony and sloth?

Wah!

Oh well...Leah will be here fo a while, and it'd be worse to have to leave practice at the Shala in an ambulance than to miss this Saturday I guess.

I will practice later today.

namaste

2006-11-03T16:52:00.000-08:00

Things you might not know and a couple that I learned today...

So it's been a frenetic Friday and I still have one more class to go. No practice today, though at the close I'll have taught 4, and I am as tired and stressed as possible. At this point i have downshifted to slap-happy so that'll be fun for the last show tonight.

things you don't know about me:

well since this is like my 5th post, you know virtually nothing but here are some highlights:

I teach Ashtanga yoga at Yoga Works in OC
I play TOOL sometimes in class
I too, am a graduate equivalent from a rehab facility
I have never participated in the Rocky Horror Picture Show
I hate crunchy onions in anything, but grilled is ok

stuff I learned today:

sometimes weird is weird even if you're wearing pigtails.
It's always hard to ask for a raise, even when you have the super fluffy love job like "yoga teacher"
Evidently Mercury is in retrograde, no wonder sinkers keep falling from my face!
Four classes is really just too many for me.

I am here primarily bcs I spent almost a year lurking ashtangi.net and then bcs my buddy Sasha asked me to blog. She has moved up to Davis and i miss her enough to type. Tom, is currently mocking my poor typing bcs it prevents me from mooning over him, poor baby. Sigh!

I got on hour before my next class.....anyone wanna sub? Tiffany?

2006-11-02T12:45:00.000-08:00

DAY SIX

Ok, so I made it thru week one, 6 practices, six different teachers including myself, Sherrie, Cathy, Geo, Denise, and finishing up w/ the Big Kahuna, Tim. Improv was really fun today, arm balances, backbends, and I got the awesome baddha hasta dhanurasana adjustment which allowed me to hold on to both of my feet. I think Tim was a little afraid I'd kick him, in this precariously placed adjustment, bcs he goes, "Don't Let Go." I didn't...until he was clear! Saw my San Diego girls which makes me happy. I always meet the coolest chicks at Tim's trainings and retreats, usually we end up being called the Shakti Posse. Sometimes my favorite part of partaking of Tim's amazing teaching is it puts me in a group of like minded, burly, crazy peeps and I can just be a humble chucklehead instead of the teacher. And Tim's yoga is powerful to behold, dropped my jaw a time or two today. Big guy moves real smoove.

So good news is tomorrow I'm off, bad news...still teach 4 classes, best news...Sunday is a Moon day so even tho I teach 2, I still will skip my personal practice. It's a Full Moon and I'm felling pretty good to want to play around with fate. Uh Oh, there's a backbend/arm balance workshop @ Costa Mesa w/ Darren Rhodes... hmmmm...... well, I'll decide Saturday.

November 2nd, already and in the South OC it is warm, sunny and quite nice. My honey, Tom says hello to all of you. He likes to have frequent mention....This doesn't mean mention of how bad he was on Halloween, but rest assured, he was very naughty. I'm enjoying the extra kisses. Hee!

Namaste, lil pirates!

2006-10-29T14:19:00.000-08:00

Well wonders never cease......

I woke my ass up and did a personal practice before my 8am class. And I played my new cd, which rocked but I will have to lose the Pink Floyd. I know, I know...but the songs run into one another making for an abrupt finish if you pick one out of the score. I played it for one class to mixed reviews. Oh well, what ya gonna do ? Play yoga muzak? Ick.

So I'm seeing a network chiro to allign and free up my energy. Wha the F? Yeah I know, but I went thru a series of injury this summer that was not to be believed... Cracked forehead open diving in pool{June} Tore psoas {July}, Cervical spine out {july/august}, bruised sacrum {September} So I'm stretching some of my tightest muscles, {the ones between the ears} and I'm seeking help beyond the conventional. I think it's working but it is mighty strange. As I lay there on the table, feeling minute taps and touches, people around me groan, writhe and sometimes cry on the tables around me. I am not a groaner. Not sure about writhing, but I'll be damned if I just revert to my inate dramatic susceptibility bcs I'm surrounded by what sounds like hardcore healing as I lay there and zone out. Nonetheless, I'm trying it and I do feel better.

Now it is all about staying steady, working the sthira. I see Tim on Thursday so we'll see what he thinks about my current kapo. I swear I want to cry after every adjustment in that pose. It's not fear or sadness, just this overwhelming shuddering sob. Then I collapse into balasana, wrecking any flow I have going untill my heart beat slows enough for backbends. Todays practice was nice bcs I also did a little viparita chakrasana at the wall, which I would never do in a class unless I was assisted, and only Diana lets me do the tricks so far, not the big Kahuna. Sometimes I'm so grateful to working thru this practice in the hands of such a great teacher, tradtionally, slowly...then sometimes I feel like I'm on the short bus, and sitting way in the back w/ the bad kids.

2006-10-28T19:19:00.000-07:00

Thank the lord for a 32 year old bladder

so today was the first day of the rest of my practice, and as the alarm went off at 6am I quickly reset to 6:30, enough time to deliberate, rationalize and perhaps flake out. But I had to pee, and as I spent more time upright and in a lit room I came to my senses and made it to practice.

Yeah! I'm GOOD!

Dr. Love was watching the Shala as Diana is in India, and the adjustments were many and magical.

Is it just me, or is it exhaustipating to be in that twilight world between 1st and 2nd where you haven't quite split but the backbending is boundless? I'm at kapotasana, and after that "overklempt-ing" adjustment THEN on to Urdva dhanurasana {3}, dropbacks{3}, and assisted dropbacks{ lose count along with MIND} . I don't know if I'll have the endurance to make it to the Holy split at Eka pada. I might just die. This shit is really hard. Seriously.

I have totally made up for my stint as Rip Van Winkle this week, today... practice, errand, appointment, lunch w/ family, surfing, wash car, burn holidayCD for students.. the boyfriend and I even emptied out a change drawer, made $46, enough for a movie, beer, & pizza. Hee.

Now practice tomorrow, self-practice, before class at 8am.. Thank god for Daylight Savings. Did I mention how excited I am about it?

2006-10-27T16:53:00.000-07:00

Perfect day....

well, surfing was perfect, everything else was easy-ish. My Friday 6:30 am class is officially a "night" class. Cold and dark it be as we creep from the gloom to practice. REALLY looking forward to daylight savings, an inordinate amount. Still haven't recovered from my vacation, no motivation to practice, teach, bathe....

but today I did, well bathe that is, and the lil Bro and I went surfing. It was nice and easy, easy paddling, long lulls then Brian and I would catch one wave after another, riding two together in a perfect Waikiki moment. I'm planning on taking my fish out for this birthday so I want to get lots of wave time. Besides it's this or napping and I feel like a narcolept as it is...

Tom has realized I have a blog and has demanded some screen time. Tom is my SO, "promised" man, and tickle monster. I love him to distraction. Hee.

So this sleeping thing has been a bit consuming, I've had 2 days of rampant napping, guerilla sleep that stalked and dragged me down like a heavy waterbuffalo. The dreams have been long and epic, filled with those niggling details that haunt you upon waking. Relationships you miss, moments and places longed for. So I've been sacking out, but today i drank some coffee and showered, because we call this sleep avidya, false knowledge, and those real life characters beckon, like my Tommy doodles, who finally got some since i've come from my coma.

Tomorrow, friends, I'm going to really start my practice, not just practice practicing. Six days for a month and see where i get to w/ this thing. Got an email from a friend far away who asked, "Past kapotasana?" I know I shouldn't be so attached to progress but I need to light a fire under my ass and a public missive is about as good as it'll get so hold me to this gang... I'll need support as i am one lazy motherfucker.

peace out.

2006-09-18T12:24:00.000-07:00

So this brand new blog is already all F-ed up... I wanted to call it sayanasana which is a pose I like bcs it sounds like my name {and it's really hard, arm balance on the elbows!}....well true to form, these days...I spelled it wrong. Sayasana either means proper diet or proper relaxation, these things I know NOTHING about. In fact I'm not really comfortable with the word "proper" ick.

i've decided to run with it bcs it's funny, and i need a place to gripe. Dig?

Anyway here goes...I'm feeling like a fraud these days. Depressed, on edge, self abusive...
and as a yoga teacher it's hard to show people how to feel better on the inside when I feel like a big sucky hole.

A student, I call him this laughingly bcs he kicks my ass on & off the mat, says Yoga is like a tree, even if you don't notice change...its always growing.

I may have Dutch Elm disease.

Symptoms: I don't practice enough, I keep accidently injuring myself, I feel dead inside, my outsides are bloated, crusty, peely,unkempt and pimply, I'm untalented, self critical, and irritating to most of those around me for too long.

AND I TEACH YOGA FOR A LIVING.........HA!
how the f did this happen? Stupid question...I know how it happened. But now I feel like I'm waiting for someone to say, " The gig is up!"
I need professional validation in a job where detachment is a requirement.
I'm attached and jealous and insecure and....WAH!

well, whatever.